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29 April 2007 @ 05:37 pm
SG-1 Fic: There's No Place Like Home (PG)  
Fandom: Stargate: SG-1
Title: There's No Place Like Home
Author: Em
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~430
Pairing: Jack/Daniel, Team
Warnings: Includes one crossover (Firefly), a Buffy reference, and meta.
Spoilers: General for Season 10
Prompt: Five alternate universes SG-1 has visited through the quantum mirror. from sg1_five_things (Originally posted here)
Summary: Five alternate universes SG-1 has visited through the quantum mirror.
Notes: A few edits were made after the original posting.
written for sg1_five_things
Recced: kuonji14 wrote a continuation of the second universe that follows our team home, Universe Ambassador.
Archived: #2 is now reposted here, at gate_that_was


There's No Place Like Home


1. There was the universe where Jack and Daniel were girls (and still screwing like bunnies) and Sam was a well-proportioned guy that finally piqued Jack's interest and Teal'c . . . Teal'c . . . Jack can't even think about Teal'c.

Fishnet stockings were not made for thighs that large.

2. In one universe SG-1 called Jack "captain" and they tooled around the galaxy in a spaceship, stealing and smuggling to scrape by. Sam was still his 2IC, hardened to the point of coldness. Teal'c was a religious man, goa'uld long gone, but the quest for freedom from religious persecution still in his heart. Even Jonas was there, the pilot, for crying out loud. In his own universe, Jack wouldn't let Jonas get near heavy machinery and here he was, piloting Jack's spaceship.

"What about Daniel?" Jack asked, looking around the open cargo bay.

"Oh," the Captain said with a smile. "The Ambassador should be getting back any minute now."

"Ambassador?" Daniel said, an eager grin springing to his face.

"Yeah," the Captain said. "Real respectable-like."

Jonas piped in, "He's an accomplished gentleman—well educated and groomed."

"A whore," the Captain supplied with a lithe smile.

"Whore?" Daniel choked on the word. Jack didn't stop laughing until well after they got home.

3. Jack nicknamed one universe: Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Jack was Teal'c, Teal'c was Sam, Sam was Daniel, and Daniel was Jack. It was FUBAR-ed and Jack didn't want to ever think about it again.

4. Then there was the planet of shrimp.

"One, 'we didn't do it, we were only prawns' joke and I will leave you here," Daniel threatened. He waved the remote control in Jack's face. "Don't you dare think I won't."

Jack grinned. "Aw, you wouldn't leave me beached."

"Sir, I think you're pushing it."

"It wouldn't be so bad to be left—it'd be like hanging out with thousands of Fraisers."

Teal'c raised an eyebrow, "I do not believe there are any medical doctors here."

Jack nodded. "I know, but they're all shrimps!"

Sam was the one who left him. Daniel forced her to go back six hours later—Janet had finished filling out the paperwork to justify a pleasant overnight in the infirmary.

5. And in one universe, Jack had been promoted to General and shipped off to fly a desk, a pop-culture referencing hot shot named Mitchell had taken over his team, and some leather-clad buxom beauty was pawing at his Daniel.

"Never," Jack swore. "Don't you ever sleep with her." He poked a sharp finger in Daniel's face. "You call me for a threesome."


~Comments and feedback from parallel universes are also accepted.
 
 
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
 
 
 
green-blooded hobgoblin: Stargate SG-1_ Jackscifigirl on April 29th, 2007 11:39 pm (UTC)
Can I read this if I've only seen through what's aired?
Em Dash: Daniel Eviltheemdash on April 30th, 2007 12:16 am (UTC)
Yeah. It's just a spoiler for Mitchell and Vala both eventually being on SG-1.
green-blooded hobgoblin: Stargate SG-1_ Cam and Valascifigirl on April 30th, 2007 05:53 pm (UTC)
You know what? I read this when it was posted to 5 things, I just forgot I had. Still excellent thought. *g*
Em Dash: M Sarcastictheemdash on April 30th, 2007 06:16 pm (UTC)
You're a dork.
green-blooded hobgoblin: Stargate Atlantis_ Hey Joe Look at Mescifigirl on April 30th, 2007 06:20 pm (UTC)
I know, but that's why you love me. *g*
Advection: mind's eyeadvection on April 30th, 2007 03:18 am (UTC)
These still crack me up and I still think they're massively clever. And if you ever do write more in the #2 universe, I will get very excited. Also, thanks for the prominent comm linkage! Much appreciated!
Em Dash: M Oopstheemdash on January 6th, 2008 01:27 am (UTC)
I am replying and saying thank you for the comment because manners should be observed even late.
Deoris: Buffy - Dopplegangland - Joyfifthhouse on April 30th, 2007 04:44 am (UTC)
SHRIMP
I was minding my business, reading your five here, when suddenly....there were SHRIMP. And, being a total Buffy geek, I get it. I got it so hard I laughed until I CRIED. I'm still laughing. My husband is looking at me askance, wondering. I don't care.
Deorisfifthhouse on April 30th, 2007 04:47 am (UTC)
Re: SHRIMP
Oh, and I loved #2. There should be webisodes of that. But the shrimp had me lmao. (husband was not amused. He doesn't "get" anything, I swear.)
Em Dash: SG-1 Dixontheemdash on April 30th, 2007 10:59 am (UTC)
Re: SHRIMP
Hee. green_grrl has demanded that I write a full fic amalgam of SG-1 as Serenity's crew. I'm still thinking about it. Really, though, it is too much fun to pass up. ;)
Em Dash: Buffy/Angel Willowtheemdash on April 30th, 2007 10:57 am (UTC)
Re: SHRIMP
*snort* It was the first one that I came up with because obviously I had to write about a world with shrimp. *snickerfits* Oh, Anya, how you have inspired crack!fic.
kyizi: blew up solar systemkyizi on May 1st, 2007 04:55 pm (UTC)
*avoids spoilers and bookmarks until have seen S10*

;)
Sûlien: Wheeeeeeeee!sulien on May 30th, 2007 06:32 am (UTC)
The Firefly crossover had me laughing out loud at the mention of "the Ambassador". The planet of shrimp had me rolling on the floor. Thanks for the laugh!
Em Dash: SG-1 Dixontheemdash on May 30th, 2007 08:05 pm (UTC)
Hee hee. . . . Yeah, I had so much fun writing those two universes in particular. As soon as I saw the prompt I was like "shrimp." ;)

I so want to write a fic with the SG-1/Firefly 'verse. It's just too funny to pass up.
Sûlien: Jack Squee!!!!!!!sulien on May 30th, 2007 08:29 pm (UTC)
Ooh, yes, yes, pretty please? With lots of strawberries and Alliance protien supplement on top? :-D
AN ENIGMA GAVE A PARADOX A VERY SPECIAL HUG: signalmelayneseahawk on June 26th, 2007 02:16 pm (UTC)
*cackles madly* I totally love your Firefly/Stargate 'verse. Have you named it yet? And would you let me write in it sometime, once the main stories in it go live?
Em Dash: Daniel Companiontheemdash on June 28th, 2007 12:46 pm (UTC)
I love my SG-1/Firefly verse, too. &hearts

Right now I'm leaning towards Big Damn Amalgam, but I'm not sold on it. Also, since you aren't the first person to ask to play, I'm kind of thinking of setting up a comm for it. I'd want to make some ground rules and write the first fics, but yeah, I'm totally up for having other people play.
AN ENIGMA GAVE A PARADOX A VERY SPECIAL HUGmelayneseahawk on June 28th, 2007 02:28 pm (UTC)
Sweet!
adafrogadafrog on June 26th, 2007 09:58 pm (UTC)
bwaaa hahaha You call me for a threesome! lol Thanks.
Em Dash: SG-1 Jack/Daniel Touchiestheemdash on June 28th, 2007 12:46 pm (UTC)
*snickers* Jack has his priorities straight.
no_eden on June 27th, 2007 01:04 am (UTC)
I giggled hysterically when I finished reading this. Truly awesome--especially #2 because I would give anything for Firefly/SG-1 crossovers. Squee!
Em Dash: Daniel Companiontheemdash on June 28th, 2007 12:49 pm (UTC)
Glad you enjoyed it. Also glad to hear that you're interested in SG-1/Firefly crossovers as I've been dabbling further into this SG-1/Firefly 'verse. I've got two pornlets under my belt and I'm working on a Big Damn Adaptation for alterego_thon. I'm having a little too much fun in this 'verse.
no_eden on June 28th, 2007 02:05 pm (UTC)
OMG alterego_thon = so much yay! I'm doing a House adaptation of "Four Weddings and a Funeral," and it's already eaten half of my life. Good luck with your fic. I look forward to reading it!
Em Dash: Daniel Huhtheemdash on June 28th, 2007 02:15 pm (UTC)
I find it hilarious that I'm way more jazzed about the ficathon due in January than the ficathon due in two weeks. I need my brain to get its priorities straight.
no_eden on June 28th, 2007 02:18 pm (UTC)
Haha, I feel the same. XD; But that could just be because you understand exactly how much awesome potential SG-1/Firefly adaptations have.
Em Dash: Daniel Companiontheemdash on June 28th, 2007 02:21 pm (UTC)
Ha. That must be it. My brain is like, "Another Jack/Daniel fic? Pshaw. Look, Daniel being a whore and Vala as Jayne. Ooooh. Shiny." At least I'm able to indulge myself in commentfic. ;)
no_eden on June 28th, 2007 02:49 pm (UTC)
Vala as Jayne? That's quite possibly the most brilliant casting ever. Who's Kaylee? And Simon? I assume Jack's going to be Mal, for obvious hooking-up-with-the-whore reasons.
Em Dash: SG-1 Familytheemdash on June 28th, 2007 03:25 pm (UTC)
Hee hee. I'm very happy with my casting.

Jack = Mal
Daniel = Inara
Sam = Zoe
Mitchell = Wash
Vala = Jayne
Teal'c = Book
Jonas = Kaylee
Skaara = Simon
Sha're = River

I've also got a few secondary characters figured out such as Mayborune being Badger and further down the road McKay as Mr. Universe. *snickers*
no_eden on June 29th, 2007 02:55 am (UTC)
That's bloody brilliant casting. *_* Especially McKay as Mr. Universe. Now, can you work in Sheppard as his little robot girlfriend?
mirankos: SG1/Jack/soulmirankos on July 4th, 2007 01:10 pm (UTC)
Ah ha!

*jots down casting*
kuonji14kuonji14 on June 28th, 2007 11:18 am (UTC)
Shrimps! Threesomes! Bwaha! This is great! I love how they're universes that SG-1 is learning about, as opposed to known only to the fic writers and readers.
kuonji14kuonji14 on June 28th, 2007 11:21 am (UTC)
Wow, ok, I read the other comments and realized that not being a Firefly or Buffy fan, I was missing some of the jokes? Still funny, though. ;)

Btw, did you write that pornlet at jd-commentfic with Daniel as a Companion?
Em Dash: Daniel Companiontheemdash on June 28th, 2007 12:55 pm (UTC)
Heh, yes, the second universe is an amalgam of the Firefly crew (Mal starts the series by referring to Inara, who is kind of like a geisha, as an "Ambassador") and the fourth one is a Buffy joke (on and on about an alternate universe filled with shrimp). I made an effort to write both in such a way that non-fans could still get something out of them, though. Glad to see it worked. ;)

And yes, the two pornlets at jd_commentfic with Daniel as a Companion are from me. This SG-1/Firefly amalgam has gotten to me.
kuonji14kuonji14 on June 29th, 2007 05:22 am (UTC)
It read just fine for me; I didn't even realize, lol.

Are there two now? Oh, must go read! :)
kuonji14kuonji14 on July 4th, 2007 08:53 am (UTC)
I hope you don't mind
I wrote a sort of fanfic, of your fanfic, which I suppose is based on your pornlets, which I think is based on the story you said you wanted to write, based on Firefly and SG-1 (based on the movie!). :)

http://kuonji14.livejournal.com/12686.html

I've got it up on my live journal for now. If you're okay with it, I'll post it to jackslashdaniel. :)
Em Dash: Daniel Companiontheemdash on July 4th, 2007 10:57 am (UTC)
Re: I hope you don't mind
Given that you followed SG-1 home and didn't keep writing in my happy little amalgam, yes, go ahead. I'm hoping people will stave off playing in the amalgam universe until I get up the first long fic. Because, oh, I have things planned. ;)
kuonji14kuonji14 on July 4th, 2007 10:11 pm (UTC)
Re: I hope you don't mind
Hee, thanks! I know nothing about Firefly, but I am looking forward to that fascinating yarn of your'n. Jonas as pilot and Teal'c as a religious man, hm...!
Anxious Audreyaudrich on July 15th, 2007 08:22 am (UTC)
Fishnet stockings, shrimps enemas...MWHAHHAHAHAHA!!!

But #5 is pushing the envelope TOO far ;D
Em Dash: SG-1 Jonastheemdash on July 15th, 2007 11:28 am (UTC)
Hee hee. I often have trouble deciding on my favorite, but I do have a certain intense love for #5. *gigglefits*
Apple Slut: apple camroadrunner1896 on September 17th, 2007 12:18 pm (UTC)
So season 9 and 10 are an alternate universe?

I want the threesome.
Em Dash: SG-1 Valatheemdash on September 17th, 2007 01:28 pm (UTC)
There seem to be plenty of people who would like for Seasons 9 and 10 to be an alternate universe.

I want the threesome, too, but I fail at threesomes.
Apple Slutroadrunner1896 on September 17th, 2007 01:31 pm (UTC)
I like Cam and Vala. :(

Of course I apparently don't like them enough to finally finish watching, but I like them. I liked season 9 and season 10 as far as I have watched much better than most of what came after season 3.

*snuggles Cam and Vala*

but I fail at threesomes.

That is not what Remus and Sirius told me. ;)
Em Dash: HP Acciotheemdash on September 22nd, 2007 08:36 pm (UTC)
but I fail at threesomes.
That is not what Remus and Sirius told me. ;)


Okay, I fail at writing them.